Nathan Tyree: Ann Coulter's Penis

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Ann Coulter is a man. I'm not kidding. I saw her on television this morning and for the first time ever I actually took a look at the evil bigot who serves as sex fantasy fodder for Nazis everywhere. "She" has a massive Adam's Apple. That's right, my friends. That chick is a dude (pre-op, post-op, I don't know).

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Nathan Tyree: 12 Million Dollars!

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It seems that Mr Gani Williams of the Bank of Africa is willing to cut me in for 30% of 12M$(U.S.) that resides in his bank. I merely need pretend to be the next of kin of a dead millionaire.

Below is the reply I sent:


FROM THE DESK OF MR. JACOBY OVERBY


Dear Friend,

I am in reciept of your letter and am conclusively interested in the vaccuous proposal you have so kindly made to make both you and I quite rich beyond what I had believed to be the outer edge of the wildest hallucinatory dream that I may ever have thought to have. I am deeply intersted in this offer.

There is but a single stumbling block to my acceptance of your proposal: As a devout Scientologist I can only have business dealings with other scientologists. In order to move forwardd on this stupenish dealings I must have confirmation that you are willing to convert to my faith.

If you agree, then we can be married in early May, as my mom will not allow me to take money from someone other than a member of my family. (If you do not feel me marriageable, then my sister Ludmilla may be offered as a substitute, but only at extra charge as she is quite hefty and long in demand with her sagged bossoms and quarter sized nipples perfect for nursing goats).

Please respond as soon as possible so that we may move forward.

Yours in Hubbard

Jacoby Overby




If anyone else would like to correspond with Mr Gani, here's his email:

mrganiwilliams@yahoo.com

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Nathan Tyree: Six Sentences

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I have a very small story up on Six Sentences Check it out.

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Nathan Tyree: Mooninite Thought Crime

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In Boston, some marketing guys out to hype Aqua Teen Hunger Force placed funny little boxes about the city. These boxes looked like Lite Brites, with the lights arranged to create the image of one of the Mooninites flipping the bird. The whole thing was quite funny.

The marketers have been arrested, being charged under a law that makes it a crime to perpetrate a hoax that could cause panic. How fucking weird is that.

I guess we should have put Orson Welles in prison.

David's discussion about Dateline over at his R@R site got me to thinking about how, more and more, we are creating laws (or reinterpreting laws) that, quite draconianally, attempt to control thought (or at least to punish thought). We as a society also seem to be restricting harmless behaviors a lot (before I get yelled at, the mooninites are harmless; sexual predators obviously aren't and that isn't what I meant).

I wonder if this is really the direction we want to go.

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Nathan Tyree: Magazine of the Dead

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Fans of Zombies, weird things, experimental fiction, horror and the like may enjoy The Magazine of the Dead

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