Nathan Tyree: The Germans

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A long tome ago, in a galaxy far, far away I gave an essay called Twisted Sisters to a crap web site for free. Over the last year or so, I've noticed that essay showing up on other websites. I didn't get upset, since it was always properly credited. Today I found it Here: http://www.onlineportal.cc/Food_and_Drink/TwistedSisters_de.html

IN GERMAN!

I've been translated.

Browsing: The German sister

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Nathan Tyree: PD13

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So, Prairie Dog 13, my magazine project, is coming soon. Check out our web site.

Browsing: Prairie Dog 13

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Nathan Tyree: An exciting offer

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I opeened my email today to find this missive:

FROM: William Magoora.

Dear friend,

You may be surprised to receive this letter from me since you do not
know
me personally. I am William Magoora, the first son of Madogo Magoora,
the
most popular black farmer in Zimbabwe who was murdered in the land
dispute
in my country. I got your contact through network online hence decided
to
write you.

Before the death of my father, he had taken me to Johannesburg to
deposit
the sum of USD14.5 million (Fourteen million five hundred thousand
United
States dollars), in one of the private security company, as he foresaw
the
looming danger in Zimbabwe this money was deposited in a box as gem
stones
to avoid much demurrage from security company. This amount was meant
for
the purchase of new machines and chemicals for the Farms and
establishment
of new farms in Swaziland. This land problem came when Zimbabwean
President
Mr. Robert Mugabe introduced a new Land Act Reform wholly affecting the
rich white farmers and some few black farmers, and this resulted to the
killing and mob action by Zimbabwean war veterans and some lunatics in
the
society. In fact a lot of people were killed because of this Land
reform
Act for which my father was one of the victims.

It is against this background that I and my family fled Zimbabwe to
South
Africa for fear of our lives. After which I traveled to the Netherlands
and I am currently staying in the Netherlands where I am seeking
political
asylum and more so have decided to transfer my father?s money to a more
reliable foreign account. Since the law of Netherlands prohibits a
refugee
(asylum seeker) to open any bank account or to be involved in any
financial
transaction throughout the
territorial zone of Netherlands. As the eldest son of my father, I am
saddled
with the responsibility of seeking a genuine foreign account where this
money could be transferred without the knowledge of my government who
are
bent on taking everything we have got. The South
African government seems to be playing along with them.

I am faced with the dilemma of moving this amount of money out of South
Africa for fear of going through the same experience in future. Both
countries
have similar political history. As a business man, I am seeking for a
partner
who I have to entrust my future and that of my family in his hands, I
must
let you know that this transaction is risk free. If you accept to
assist
me and my family, all I want you to do for me, is to make arrangements
with
the security company to clear the Consignment (funds) here in the
Netherlands,
because the consignment is with the security company now in the
netherlands.But
before then all modalities will have to be put in place like change of
ownership
to the consignment and more importantly this money I intend to use for
investmen.


I have two options for you. Firstly you can choose to have certain
percentage
of the money for nominating your account for this transaction. Or you
can
go into partnership with me for the proper profitable investment of the
money in your country. Whichever the option you want, feel free to
notify
me. I have also mapped out 5% of this money for all kinds of expenses
incurred
in the process of this transaction.

If you do not prefer a partnership I am willing to give you 10% of the
money
while the remaining 85% will be for my investment in your country.
Contact
me through my confidential email address:williammagoora@seeqmail.com,
while
I implore you to maintain the absolute secrecy required in this
transaction


Thanks, GOD BLESS YOU

Yours Faithfully,
William Magoora


I replied thusly:

Dearest William,

I am intrigued by your generous offer. However, being generally incredulous, I require proof of your identity. If you are the luminary individual you claim to be you should have no trouble acquiring some items that I require. First, you must obtain and send to me 100 photos of attractive women engaged in sodomy with midgets (preferably amputee midgets). Second, I will need the foreskin of a pygmy albino elephant. Third, please also send copies of the lost recordings of Loudon Wainright III. After I have taken receipt of these items we can further discuss your proposal.

Cheers

Nathan Tyree
King of a Rainy Country

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Nathan Tyree: The Mud of Titan

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Titan, it seems, is a muddy place.

Browsing: MUD

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Nathan Tyree: Like Primo Levi

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So, I'm thinking about shuffling off this mortal coil. Since I can't make the decision myself, I've decided to put it up to a vote. Discuss amongst yourselves, then vote.

Comments (6)