toodldo_4julie:

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it's like a fricking blizzard over here at dennis' place!! ack! i love snow, i really do.. especially when i'm barefoot in it.. but still.. it's april already, for chrissake!!! oh my ...


i've made several plans for my move. i cannot wait to begin this upcoming chapter in my life.


dennis found perfect dark for N-64 on ebay, so we ordered it and it was here in less than a week! woot! i used to play it all the time, forgot how much i enjoyed it! :D hehehe


i had a dream about a character i've recently been introduced to in a story. it was a thoroughly fascinating dream! ;) and a certain layered voice....


Mood: wide awake
Music: flogging molly - salty dog

toodldo_4julie: i plan on getting out of my corner

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college can kiss my ass, i'm moving back to virginia and dennis is moving with me. yay for a new life and moving on.

i have a job waiting for me, and a best friend and a place to live.

i wonder why it took me so long to realize that i was never meant to be in college. that's the normal and socially accepted thing to do.. but then again, i never do that shit. so why did i try now? i don't know... maybe i wanted to try to be normal for once. do what everyone else does. i wonder.

some things are not meant to be. i'm not meant to be here.

so VA and happy times here i come, i'm leaving this hellhole behind.

i'll miss a few things, true. but not college.

i can't wait till summer.


Mood: determined and enlightened
Music: no music, watching Buffy

toodldo_4julie: i hate how when you edit a post the time and date changes

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did you ever happen to walk by something/one from your past and almost say hi or stop to look then remember yourself and walk hurriedly by while wondering if you had said hi or stopped to look what would have happened?


i wonder sometimes. it's fascinating to me.


my life is looking incredibly straight up now, because of my best friends and Dennis, even though my grades are not that good.. the only thing in my life now that i feel like is missing is someone to connect to on certain levels that no one seems to understand me on. i miss having someone to discuss the complexities of music with, or to want to go to taco bell at 10:30 before they close, or to be comfortable enough around to just sit and listen to music or play a video game and not really need to talk for long periods of time, other than my male counterpart (i really dislike the term 'boyfriend'---sounds very highschoolish) . i've had maybe two friends of this exact kind in my life. one was years ago. one was more recent.


i am perfectly content where i am, i've found a real love, i've got some of the best friends i've ever had, i have a fucking awesome roommate, when i go home i get to ride again, i have a wonderful workplace to go home to for the summer, two of my best friends are getting married this summer, and i get to go to the beach with my dad and an awesome friend, if i don't flunk this semester out i get to live with someone awesome next year, i might get to move in with dennis next summer, i'm going to be getting a car in about a year, my cat is a sweetheart, i've been saving and getting john frusciante's albums, and the things that matter most to me are not letting me down. life for me is at a high, and it's wonderful! but.... sometimes i look back, not with regret, i think everything that happens happens for a reason, but with nostalgia, and almost homesick thoughts. i really miss some aspects of my life... i guess some things just come and go in our lives.


i hate what if's.


but sometimes they're so tempting.

i'm glad i have what i do have in my life. it makes it all worthwhile to be in love with someone that loves you back.

all quite fascinating.

I AM THE PICKLE!!!!




Mood: happy to be where i am in life.
Music: red hot chili peppers - midnight

toodldo_4julie: random stuff

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I was at dennis’ the other day, and he was going through his old tapes. You remember, cassette tapes.. those things that we used to play music with before cds were created. Anyway, he used to tape stuff off the radio before he had money or whatever to buy stuff… and back in the ‘90’s, they didn’t censor commercials so much..

Well, there’s this one and it’s in honor of national pickle something or other, and it was very… uh.. innuendo-ish … just think of a whole pickle… uh. Yeah. And it ended with: I am the Pickle, and I am nature’s penis!!! LMAOROTF!!!!!! Then said something about grabbing and biting the ‘big one’. I thought that to be quite amusing. Indeed, I was laughing hard enough that I had to run to the bathroom or I might have wet myself. LOL.. the whole commercial was fricking hilarious. Then there was one where they were talking about the shampoo, head and shoulders, and how you’re only washing your head.. so it should just be called ‘head’. And the whole thing people were saying ‘go out and get some head’… and they had scenarios etc.. omg.. LOL.. I dunno… sounded sorta kinky to me…..

Sooooooo yeah.

I dislike drama queens.

I colored my left thumb nail yellow with a highlighter, and it took like.. a half hour of scrubbing to turn it to clear/white and purpleish again. I was like..geeez! lol.

I lost myself in thought while staring at that packet of mayonnaise. I should really get rid of that thing…. *shakes head*

I miss my cat. :( he’s such a nice cat.. I want him to live forever….

I called Earl at the stable back in state college.. I get to ride this summer! Woot woot! :D that makes me very glad.. :D I won’t get to ride Buddy, but I’ll get to ride Micah and Toby and I’m pretty sure Sheri didn’t take Timmy with her.. sooo :D !! :D !!!!! :D:D:D



Mood: entertained
Music: roomie's sleeping.. i have my own music in my head.

toodldo_4julie: no periods or commas

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Weekend was good I wish I could spend more time with dennis like that without work getting in the way to sleep in is wonderful if you wake up beside your counterpart I made cinnamon buns with the icing and they were tasty and for dinner last night I made some sort of lasagna something or other and it was good I wish it could be like that always but we can’t always get what we want I suppose it’s better that way and helps us appreciate the good things and times more I just wish wish wish wish but then again what’s life without a wish or a dream that’s what keeps it all going because if it all was square and set in stone it’d be boring and there’d be no hope for change there’d be no music I bought this huge jar of pickles and they’re really juicy my dad has been wishing me well with dennis and I’m glad because I really was worried that he’d be weird about it I played guitar for him the other day, the first time in a while that I’d played because I’ve been busy and now my fingers are sore but I think it was worth it because it was fun and anything that is fun is worth it well almost anything I’ve run out of shirts because I put off doing the laundry forever I hate doing laundry here on campus it’s a horrid nightmare stupid machines I miss my nice washer and dryer at home but I’ll deal my cat doesn’t get along with alan’s cats and I worry about him because on top of having diabetes he is starting to go blind from it and he also has a heart murmur and I think I’d probably cry for a couple days straight if anything were to happen to him I miss my best friends I wish they were closer to here, or here was closer to there but I guess here and there are two different things that’s why we have cars now if only I had a car but oh well dennis and I sorta worked backwards we started with the kind of trust that makes us most vulnerable and are now working our way down to material trust when most people go the opposite direction and start with material things and work their way in but I guess I’m just sick of being misinterpreted and misunderstood so I bared it all and it has gone extremely well I took my snes to his place because there’s more room and I’m over there a lot and he loves games so I’m going to leave it there because I spent most of my time there anyway and he let me drive his car I’m the only person in the three or four years that he’s had it other than his stepdad in the beginning that he’s ever let drive it I feel pretty privileged my hands are dry so I put on lotion but it’s slimy ewww I was flipping through a little photo booklet thingy and looking at the pictures of me when I rode over the past two years and I really miss riding but megan im’d me yesterday and told me that she talked to earl and that he might still be giving lessons even though he and sheri broke up I hope at least one of them is because I desperately need to ride this summer or I’ll die ok well I won’t die but I’ll be miserable if I’m away from dennis and away from my new good friend Noelle and free-living AND I can’t ride that is the perfect recipe for being miserable and it would suck major ass so I’m akeeping my fingers crossed I jumped over dennis’ bed the other week that’s right over and smashed my elbow and still have the rub burn and bruise and last night I sorta rolled off the bed by accident and cut my heel I’m just a disaster trip or something but I don’t care he loves me he said even if I laughed so hard that I peed on him he’d love me and I thought that to be particularly amusing I do laugh a lot it’s fun and kinda has some sort of a healing power over the laugher and the laughee so it’s all good I still have that packet of mayonnaise on my desk from the other week I really should just throw it away by now but it has some sort of emotional value maybe I should write a song about it that’d be interesting it’s raining but there’s no old man in sight so I can’t do anything about it I love rain and mud but not when it’s still below 40 degrees then it’s just annoying and gets in the way I miss thunderstorms I haven’t witnessed a really good one in a few years I mean one that booms and rocks the house with the streaks of lightening that hurt your eyes cuz it’s so bright yeah that kind the beautiful turmoil of nature it’s always fun to go running barefoot in the muddy grass with shorts and a tee with super-soakers and have a fight while it’s still a downpour it’s unnerving to have water coming at you from above in the sky and below with the splashing of feet and the side from water guns man that’s fun I remember when I was in middle school I actually stayed in one place long enough to finish all three years of it and my dad lived in this small house in the country with lots of trees and we had a stream behind the house at the bottom of the hill and there was a huge pipe that it went through that was tall enough to stand in and ben and I would walk around in it and get really dirty and wet and my dad never knew exactly how it was that we got so dirty we’d also go up into the woods where there was this huge overhanging rock and under it was this horrific slab of mud and cowpies it was in a cowfield and lord knows what else and we’d drop stones the size of our heads or larger to hear the spelching sound that they made sort of a super loud splat anyway it was fun I remember all the times with all the friends I’ve had and looking back there’s only one friend that I’ve ever lost to misunderstanding that ended bitter and that was quite recent and it’s sad and i miss conversing with that friend I love riding with my dad in the car because we always crank the music way up and sing along even though he can’t hit all the notes and it’s funny as all hell it’s great and I love it it’s nice to spend time with my dad so many people don’t have that and I’m glad I do alan worries me sometimes because he’s going to have a heart attack sometime because he pushes himself too much and I don’t know how to convince him to relax I love how music takes me away it’s wonderful and glorious and soothing the people that live in my hallway annoy me but that’s ok I’m sure I do too because I don’t fit into their little category of girliness but it doesn’t matter I don’t have to be girly and I still found my one so I think there’s no point to being girly i’m going to go eat something or do something now because I’m hungry and I want to and that’s the good thing about college and/or living on my own I can do whatever whenever and I don’t have to be structured but sometimes that bothers me because I like there to be order in my life but then again I don’t think the order matters as long as I’m in control of my life I don’t need it to be super orderly and organized I just need to have the final say in my life that’s all so I say now that I will eat at this point in time so going to eat now I am


Mood: deep
Music: miles davis - all blues